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"what's going on up here? i've gotten so used to hearing so much commotion, and lately it's been so quiet that i can't get any sleep!"
::kalma walks over::
kalmakero: is there a problem sir?
"'sir'? did nobu hire some extra help around here?"
the_dragon_master: it's a long story, but that's kalma's current fate...
"but i don't see kalma anywhere, just this attractive-looking waitress..."
kalmakero: oh, you're the first person to compliment me on my new look!
::hugs JJc, causing his face to turn completely red::
"er, uh...wow...didn't see that one coming..."
::the_dragon_master gets up and walks over to JJc, still caught in the embrace::
t_d_m (whispering): dude, that's kalma...
"man, don't be ragging me like that..."
t_d_m: i'm serious, johnnypsycho-
::JJc's eyes suddenly shoot wide-open::
"johnnypsycho!?!"
::wrestles his way out of the embrace, backing away but quickly tripping and falling backwards to the ground::
"ugh..."
::looks over in jp's direction::
jp: what?
kalmakero: oh no! did i do something wrong?
"no, no, no...no problems here...the ground's so comfortable that i think i'm just going to sit here... and wallow in my own self-pity for a while..." _________________ "Life's a journey, not a destination..." -Aerosmith ('Amazing')
Current RPG(s): (None)
Wed Mar 10, 2004 9:58 pm
JohnnyPsycho
Joined: Nov 14, 2002
Post subject: Kalma's Punishment part 13.5
*this post is partially "out of character", but I'm gonna be generous and count it as half a post toward Kalma's punishment.*
In real life, I work as both a floorman (aka: "bouncer") and a DJ at a nightclub, and it is a rule that employees (floormen, doormen, waitresses, and bartenders) are not allowed to drink while "on the clock". However, I'm also a DJ, and DJs are paid as seperate outside vendors or entertainment, as are the bands that come in, and since they aren't "on the clock", they're allowed to drink on the job. Therefore, most of the week I'm only allowed some pop or water while on the job, but during Friday or Saturday nights when I'm DJ-ing, I get to drink as much as I want (especially if i put it on my employee tab, where we get 1/2 off all drinks), plus a lot of people will buy me drinks just to hear their song. So you see, I have a lot to look forward to on most weekends...
...then again, I'm not that big a drinker, so my employee tab never really gets any higher than about $10 in a week anyway (compared to alot of the other alcoholics I work with who spend their entire paychecks every week)...
Anyway, since Kalma is considered both an employee and an appliance, he/she/it is unable to be categorized as a customer until he/she/it is released of his waitressing duties. The error in this case is Kalma's. Let's make sure this never happens again. *pulls out his Multiversal Remote and starts punching in some more numbers*
Kalma: Aw, dammit!... *new programming suddenly kicks in* I mean, yes sir. Thank you sir............. aw, dammit! _________________ "The principles you live by create the world you live in; if you change the principles you live by, you will change your world." -Blaine Lee
"I plan to live forever. So far so good." -Steven Wright
Last edited by JohnnyPsycho on Wed Mar 10, 2004 10:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
Wed Mar 10, 2004 10:04 pm
Kalma
Joined: Nov 03, 2003
Post subject:
Kalma-Chan: :Giggle: Oh my. I suppose it would be better if there were a sign on the wall that says "Dont fall for the man stuck in the female body." But that of couse is moot. I do not care whether I stay female or return to male.
Note: It doesnt really feel like punishment anymore. It is merely roleplaying a female. A bubbly cybernetic female with no pride, or shame, and alot of protocols to determine my actions.
Wow, already to: 13 _________________ You're An Inu (Dog)!
Loyal and protective. A true friend all the way.
You love having yours ears scratched, and being near your loved ones.
"If you people cared as much for human life as we do, we wouldn't have to kill all of you."
Wed Mar 10, 2004 10:08 pm
dougisfunny
Joined: Oct 29, 2002
Post subject:
Kalma wrote:
Kalma-Chan: Kalma-Chan has found loop-hole within Waitress.EXE
Code:
Input Command
If command comes from a customer or boss
Then Execute Command
Kalma-Chan: Protocol can not be removed, it is hard wired into firmware.
One More Thing: dougisfunny, can you explain exactly what a reverse plot hole is?
Some things to note...
A)Waitress.EXE Implies windows/Dos based OS pretty much you're screwed... you should crash so often you have to reformat on a weekly basis.
B)Waitress.EXE is an executable, which means it is a program, which mean it is programable. It can be reprogrammed. If it weren't possible to reprogram, why would you have sent Amlak to go get something to reprogram you?
C) Firmware, its firm... but not hard, it take a little more, but it can still be reprogrammed. And as I recall, all he did was reprogram you.
Heck if you recall the thing with the Mars lander? it took them going down levels of code to the firmware or beyond to remotely reprogram it... so firmware is reprogrammable.
its where your post magically disappear _________________ The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Wed Mar 10, 2004 10:34 pm
SlimJim
Joined: Nov 09, 2002
Post subject:
Hey, Kalma get me a scotch on the rocks in under two seconds and I'll give you five bucks. _________________ *Floats by on a cloud*
Thu Mar 11, 2004 12:31 am
Kalma
Joined: Nov 03, 2003
Post subject:
Kalma-Chan: Acceleration Mode Overdrive - Limiter Removed. *Makes scotch in -5 seconds. Runs by self on way back from kitchen. Makes it back to SlimJim within .000000001 Seconds of starting to accelerate. A second Kalma-Chan arrives .000000001 sec later.*
SlimJim: Uh, wierd.
Kalma-Chans: Now then, you promised me $$5.
SlimJim: Uh, crap.*Pulls out two fives and holds them out.*
Kalma-Chan 1: *Takes a five, rips it in half and gives one to Kalma-Chan 2.* Thank you sir.
SlimJim: Uh...
JP: Why are there two of you now?
Kalma-Chans: I went too fast. But to distinguish, this is the solution.
*Kalma-Chans pull out big red markers. One writes 2 on Two's back. Two writes 1 on One's back.*
Kalma-Chans: Hooray! A best friend that likes what I like. _________________ You're An Inu (Dog)!
Loyal and protective. A true friend all the way.
You love having yours ears scratched, and being near your loved ones.
"If you people cared as much for human life as we do, we wouldn't have to kill all of you."
Thu Mar 11, 2004 12:47 am
Nobuyuki
Joined: Nov 07, 2002
Post subject:
It's like a Freudian trainwreck in here, I can't help but watch...
P.S. This post doesn't count. _________________ "When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."- C.S. Lewis
"Superman can't be emo. He can't cut himself."-CP
Thu Mar 11, 2004 1:40 am
SlimJim
Joined: Nov 09, 2002
Post subject:
I know how to fix this...*Slim closes eyes and concentrates.* *Both Kalmas begin to glow purple, and start fusing together*
Kalma-1: Hi Kalma-chan!(^-^)
Kalma-2: Hello to you too, Kalma!(^-^)
*Slim forces them to merge into one being*
Well that aughta do i-WAAAAAA?
*Kalma looks slightly taller with more muscle*
My god...I've created a super-Kalma... _________________ *Floats by on a cloud*
Thu Mar 11, 2004 8:19 am
dougisfunny
Joined: Oct 29, 2002
Post subject:
_________________ The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Thu Mar 11, 2004 1:27 pm
The_Dragon_Master
Joined: Nov 07, 2002
Post subject:
DM: That reminds me of the time I had too much Surge. By the way, can I have a Surge, Kalma?
Everyone: NO!!!
DM: Ok, ok. No Surge. *looks at TV, begins looking for remote* _________________ "I hope you haven't become too attached to your head, because in about two seconds it will be festively decorating that back wall."
Thu Mar 11, 2004 1:42 pm
JohnnyPsycho
Joined: Nov 14, 2002
Post subject:
The_Dragon_Master: *still looking around for the remote to the TV* Dammit, where is that stupid... *sees a remote lying on the table, grabs it* Ah, this should do it... now where's the power button? *presses a random button, and suddenly gets electrocuted* AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! What the? Why you stupid... *suddenly blinks out of existence in a puff of black smoke, and the remote falls back into place on the table*
JohnnyPsycho: *looking around the bar with a lost look on his face, patting his pockets and looking under tables* Dammit! Where did I drop that damn thing...
Super Kalma-Chan: *in a creepy double-voice* May I help you with something, sir?
JohnnyPsycho: Oh! Um, no, that's fine! *thinking to himself* (I can't let Kalma know that I lost my damn remote! How can I be a responsible megalomaniac when I can't keep track of my own damn technology!)
Super Kalma-Chan: *leaning forward inquisitively* Are you sure, sir? You seem like you've lost something.
JohnnyPsycho: What? Lost something? No, don't be silly! I never lose in here! Heh heh heh... *inner monologue* (SHIT!! HE'S ON TO ME!! Gotta think! Think, damn you, think!! Where's the last place you used it?)
JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 1: *from across the bar where DM disappeared* HEY BOSS!! I found it!! *holds up the remote*
JohnnyPsycho: NO, you idiot!! Don't touch it!! *JP Clone-Droid disappears in a puff of purple smoke* Ugh... I told him not to touch it...
JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 3: NOOOOOOO!! My bruddah!! I'll save you!! *picks up remote, and disappears also*
JohnnyPsycho: CUT THAT OUT!! The rest of you, don't even think about touching that remote!
JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 5: I wasn't going to anyway...
JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 2: Ay, those two were eediots...
Super Kalma-Chan: *looking slyly at JP* "Never lose", eh?
JohnnyPsycho: Okay, so maybe just this one time... *walks over and picks up the remote* Wait a minute... the teleport function says it's been used three times. Alright, who else is missing!
JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 4: Not I...
JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 6: I'm still kicking, sir!
JohnnyPsycho: Hmmm, and I still see Slim Jim, and Kalma's still here (so to speak), so i guess that accounts for all the idiots...
dougisfunny: Yo, where's DM?
JohnnyPsycho: That scaley dope! I bet it was him that started this whole fiasco! Next time I see him, I'll give him a piece of my mind!
The_Dragon_Master: *bursts through the front door, carrying two clone-droids with him under his arms* Wow, it was nice to visit the parents again... Hell has such nice weather this time of year. Oh, JP! You seem to have lost these two... *drops both slightly burned clone-droids on the floor*
JohnnyPsycho: I said I never lose in here!... *sigh* Oh poop... never mind. _________________ "The principles you live by create the world you live in; if you change the principles you live by, you will change your world." -Blaine Lee
"I plan to live forever. So far so good." -Steven Wright
Thu Mar 11, 2004 4:16 pm
Kalma
Joined: Nov 03, 2003
Post subject:
Note: So, now i am a Super Kalma-Chan? Wow. Better than expected. So, what method was used? Oh, Ill just assume Kai Earrings.
S. Kalma-Chan: My, where did these nice earrings come from? *Takes off both earrings and places them under her shirt and within her bra. * Now, Mr. Dragon, did you want me to turn on the T.V.?
DM: Sure, why not?
T.V.: *Turns on. Really hot but dumb news chick comes on.* Today, a whole bunch of explosions went off in Spain. Somewhere like, Madrid or something. Anyway, it was really cool and a whole bunch a people died and stuff. They were in the subways at rush hour too.
S. Kalma-Chan: *Stareing wide-eyed at the footage of explosions.* Neato. *As she stares, demonic wings grow from her back.* Over 200 dead. *Horns come from her head.* About 1200 injured. *A tail protrudes from under her dress.*
DM: Uh... _________________ You're An Inu (Dog)!
Loyal and protective. A true friend all the way.
You love having yours ears scratched, and being near your loved ones.
"If you people cared as much for human life as we do, we wouldn't have to kill all of you."
Thu Mar 11, 2004 5:31 pm
SlimJim
Joined: Nov 09, 2002
Post subject:
Kalma wrote:
Note: So, now i am a Super Kalma-Chan? Wow. Better than expected. So, what method was used? Oh, Ill just assume Kai Earrings.
Actually, I used my psychic powers(Read the old fight threads) to merge two objects together. I also gain some control(minor) over a living subject. I could undo the fusion at any time. _________________ *Floats by on a cloud*
Thu Mar 11, 2004 5:35 pm
Kalma
Joined: Nov 03, 2003
Post subject:
Ok, so ignore the part about the earings. BTW: Im not living, Im mostly robotic, though I do still have most external living parts (breasts, sex organs). It is funny, I was thinking about having Kalma-Chan go off and look for some Kai Earrings.
EDIT: Was just thinking, since you can have minor control over living material you fuse, you have the power to grope me with your mind. That and make my boobs start jumping all around violently for no reason other than you want them to bounce. _________________ You're An Inu (Dog)!
Loyal and protective. A true friend all the way.
You love having yours ears scratched, and being near your loved ones.
"If you people cared as much for human life as we do, we wouldn't have to kill all of you."
Thu Mar 11, 2004 6:22 pm
Martin_the_Wise
Joined: Mar 12, 2004
Post subject:
The bar still exists... as do I... muhahahahahaha.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
aw, dammit!
I said I never lose in here!... *sigh* 
Oh poop... never mind.
* Now, Mr. Dragon, did you want me to turn on the T.V.?
