Battle of the 80's TV Icons...FIGHT!

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

It was a tough choice for me between Alf and Mr. T. I finally went with Alf, because, although Mr. T. for years has built his strength by carrying around all that jewelery, I think Alf's high protien diet has probably created the same muscle, wheter we see it or not. Added to that, ALf has a spaceship. A spaceship!
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JKyle · **JKyle**

As long as it's not a cold war, Communism will triumph.
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JKyle.com (Because bad things happen to good people)
Cast in the Name of God
Ye Not Guilty

JohnnyPsycho · **JohnnyPsycho**

Goddamn you!! Why did you have to make this poll? I couldn't freakin' decide!! It was like choosing between my children! WAAAAAHHH!!!

Here's what it came down to:

1) Smurfs are easily defeated individually, as they become a nice blue smear under any person's foot, but the problem is that they swarm... and they breed faster than freakin' termites! I swear, Smurfette would have to be like an unholy queen bee, sh*ttin' out Smurf drones by the hundreds...

2) Angus MacGyver has superior brainpower, creativity, and the massive atomic power of his mullet. Unfortunately, any fan will tell you that MacGyver never made any lethal weapons with his mad skills, so that's a big disadvantage to him. Plus, his first name is friggin' Angus...

3) I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Ben Matlock is GOD!! His Georgia-bred lawyerin' skillz defy all probability and logic, because (almost) all of his friggin' clients are (almost) always not-guilty! He's better than Cochran could ever dream of being. Unfortunately, his powers only work when someone has been framed for a crime they didn't commit (which would actually work in favor of Mr. T's A-Team persona, B.A. Baracus, but I'll get to him later)...

4) Hawkeye Pierce became weary with the horrors of war by this time, so it's possible that a confrontation with an enraged Mr. T and a severely wounded ALF would cause him to snap and go total Rambo... while wearing funny Groucho Marx glasses...

5) Mr. T... what else can be said about him? I pity the foo' that gets in the ring with the T. He's nigh-invulnerable and almost completely unstoppable. His only weakness would probably be that he has a heart of gold. Of course, that won't stop him from beating the hell outta that fuzzy ALF for his 10-10-220 ads... "It's Inspecta Collect, foo'!"

6) ALF (aka: Gordon Shumway) is an alien life form with an advanced knowledge of technology and a superior wit. Your puny weapons are no match for his sparkling charisma and snappy one-liners. In a battle of gags, he may meet his match with Heathcliff Huxtable, but he can easily turn the tide of battle with a hidden Melmacian death-ray that he stores for "special occasions". Plus, judging from his recent appearances in telephone ads, his advanced alien biology has made him impervious to disease and aging, which could mean that he's one muppet that won't go down with conventional weaponry.

7) Al?... are you referring to Al Bundy, of Married... with Children fame? If so, just his presance may fully disgust any contender. He's a former football hero, though a bum leg may hinder him just as it did his football career. Of course, this didn't stop him from becoming Shoe Salesman of the Year in '68, or founding the anti-feminist organization NO MA'AM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood). With as much time as he spends on the toilet and as much time his right hand stays under his pants, he may well deter any attack with his own brand of "offense".

8) the Knight Industries Two Thousand, or K.I.T.T. for short, is pure American-bred muscle-car, with enough added gizmos and suped-up power to make any red-blooded man merrily sport wood just looking at it. This super-charged Pontiac Trans-Am puts Mr. T's '83 GMC G-15 Van to shame. It's got a highly advanced artificial intelligence, has more gadgets than Speed Racer's original Mach 5, and is the ultimate extension of 1980's American pop-culture's combined penises. The problem? Pontiacs are crap, and K.I.T.T., just like MacGyver, is completely non-lethal only. Plus the addition of the bumbling walking protozoa David "Luckiest Bastard in Showbiz" Hasselhoff might also have either a positive or negative effect. If anything, Hasselhoff may turn out to be the x-factor strong enough to repel even Al Bundy...

9) Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable's mass appeal, as well as an unexhaustable supply of adorable little kids to play his comic foil, are almost a sure-fire win. Although his sensibilities may be repeled by the likes of Bundy or Hasselhoff, you must remember that he's an obstatrician, so he sees the uglier side of life everyday (anyone who tells you birth is a beautiful thing is full of crap). Spending all day dealing with women crapping out babies and with mischevious kids has created a dad that can deal with just about every possible problem imaginable. His brightly colored sweaters act like the best damn force-field imaginable, their multiple and confusing array of ever-changing hues confusing the enemy into submission...

So, there you have it... with all of this information, it was a tough battle, but in the end, there could be only one, which is why I chose the winner of this 80's TV icon battle to be...

Wendy's spokesperson Clara Peller

Why her? Because if we could resurrect the corpse of the late Ms. Peller, she'd frighten even the mightiest of 80's tv icons... or at least be adorable enough to put them in a false sense of security. And an old, undead lady making sly sexual innuendo is pretty freakin' terrifying anyway...
Where's the Beef?
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"The principles you live by create the world you live in; if you change the principles you live by, you will change your world." -Blaine Lee

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counterparadox · **counterparadox**

Johnny man, you know way, way too much about TV . . . haha, cool.
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anime is teh s uck

Play City of Heroes/Villians? Look me up, Pinnacle server, @C Paradox

AnimePrime · **AnimePrime**

What about other cartoons like He Man, Roboteck and Transformers?

I guess this counts as "Other"

JohnnyPsycho · **JohnnyPsycho**

Chibi_Zero · **Chibi_Zero**

JohnnyPsycho · **JohnnyPsycho**

Yeah, I've been watching that show for a while too... of course, I'm old enough to remember the "Where's the Beef" commercials when they were playing on TV in the first place...
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"The principles you live by create the world you live in; if you change the principles you live by, you will change your world." -Blaine Lee

"I plan to live forever. So far so good." -Steven Wright

Fodder · **Fodder**

Johnny I bow before you. As another child of the 80s I remember all the shows to. And there is no way I could have put it like you.

But of course you guys forgot the Misfits of Science. Johnny B would make quick work of Mr T with all that conductive gold. And Courtney Cox would be able to pull Hasselhoff away from Kitt making Kitt useless.

And really what about Manimal? He could kick Clara Pellars ass.

Having watched every episode of Matlock (and Murder She Wrote.. i will never be the same) I can tell you forgot his real superpower. The power of Don Knotts! That makes Matlock the true winner.

AdmiralGreer · **AdmiralGreer**

There's one 80's TV icon we've overlooked... That guy from The Greatest American Hero. What was his name?
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Ice cream has this erotic sense to it- kinda like the one choclate and strawberries have.
-Me

Nobuyuki · **Nobuyuki**


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