Martin's Bar

dougisfunny · **dougisfunny**

I assume you mean the singing not the fighting right?
_________________
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

overdrive535 · **overdrive535**

Hey, the only thing I can control is the Mr. T style rapping...or whatever it was (it wasn't singing...) and it's never going to come back...unless I receive a large sum of money in the mail...which isn't going to happen...
_________________
"If you've ever had your nipple bit off by a beaver, you might just be a redneck..."
Jeff Foxworthy

JohnnyPsycho · **JohnnyPsycho**

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

John Bono stood there, panting, tired, exhausted. He was for all status checks worn out. His breath seemed to make a fog in front of his red face. He did not sweat, despite his only wearing his jeans and a polo shirt. Nay, he was still sweating. He took a moment to look around himself and gather his thoughts.
"Well. Zelda. What do we do know? We've lost half our team in one person and we're stranded on some godforsaken mountain of ice in what may or may not be our universe."
"I have an idea."
"I mean, for all we know we could be a trillion light years away--we may never get home, and we're still in this whole tournament thing. How are we ever going to get home, and how are we going to find a replacement for our departed friend."
"I have an idea."
John Bono continued, "we need to find our way somewhere--somewhere where everyone knows our name, where anyone would gladly lend a helping hand--where we can recuperate."
"I have an idea."
"Oh, Samus. How long have you been standing there?"
"I'd say about five minutes."
"Oh, I bet you have. Now whats you're idea."
"Well, you see those really fast birds up there? Samus pointed."
"Yes, what about them."
"Well, to gain such incredible speed for their size, they don't actually move the entire distance they fly. It's a kind of space-warping trick. And if you can get caught in thier wake, you may just find yourself out of here."
"Say nothing more," Shiek said, grabbing John Bono by surprise, much to his protest. With that, they had vanished in, quite literally, a puff of smoke, catching the parting wave behind one of the incessantly screeching birds.
John Bono found himself feeling very, very disoriented.
They landed in a heap on the floor. Not very comfortable for John, who found Zelda, not Shiek, in his arms, undoubtedly smirking to herself for making him absorb the fall, his back against the hard wood paneling.
"What is this!?" John heard a scream from above him--the smells of acoholic beverages and chocolate milk filling his nose--as well as something else that smelled faintly of a cleaning agent. "Inappropriate contact in a public place between a male and female!"
Then John noticed the rather suggestive position in which Zelda decided to land on him, his arms wrapped not around her waide, but considerably higher.
"Something tells me I'm about to get a beating," he thought aloud quietly to himself.
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overdrive535 · **overdrive535**

from underneath the pile of bodies
um, can you guys get off me?
I'm feeling kinda squished down here

And I can't breath

......

............

What the Freak just happened?
I haven't even been drinking and I'm confused
_________________
"If you've ever had your nipple bit off by a beaver, you might just be a redneck..."
Jeff Foxworthy

JohnnyPsycho · **JohnnyPsycho**

dillpops: *pacing back and forth* Oooh, when I get my hands on that Johnny... How dare he clone me like that?

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 4: *helping a dazed Agent 3 to her feet* Now look, Ms. Dillpops, we can't just be automatically assuming that this is the work of my genetic template...

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 5: He's right! I mean, just because the original JohnnyPsycho has mass-produced himself a small army of biomechanical clone androids doesn't mean that he's the only person capable of creating a clone...

dillpops: If the two of you don't shut your mouths right now, I will be forced to do something very nasty to the both of you. *stamps the end of her glaive against the ground*

Agent 3 (Ludwika's double): *rubbing her head, walking up to Agent 2* Excuse me, ma'am, but what's going on here?

Agent 1 (DeeLite's double): *standing next to Agent 2, with her arms folded and a band-aid on her forehead* I say we arrest the lot of them... though we may have to call for back-up in order to take down these odd sextuplets...

Agent 2 (Dillpop's double): Just wait a second, agent... I think we need to find out more information on this "Johnny Psycho" before we do anything hasty.

dillpops: *eyeing one of the JP clones* Grrrrr... I'm so pissed off right now, I think I might even vent some of this anger on one of you guys, since no one knows where that blasted Johnny is right now...

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 3: *gulp* Um, if you're going to beat the crap outta one of us, why don't you start with Numba One over there...

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 1: What? Why me?

dillpops: On second thought, I might just beat the whole blasted lot of you...

Agent 2: Excuse me, Miss... Dill, was it? Could you perhaps tell us why this bar is employing six identical bodyguards who use ninjitsu, an ogre, and Mr. T?

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 4: *to Agent 1* We're not sextuplets, technically...

Shrek: *from the bar* Oy! And just fer yer information, dearie, I'm not an employee here! I'm just here for a drink...

Dreadnot: Actually, ma'am, I think I can fill you in on most of that... *pulls the agents aside and begins to tell them about the clone-droids, etc. etc.*

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 2: *walking out of the restroom* Hey, if the rest of you guys are going to be looking for me, I'll just be hiding out in my Pok�-Ball until this all blows over...

*space suddenly begins to warp over-head, and John Bono and Zelda suddenly fall out of a rift on top of overdrive*

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 2: Awwwww CRAP!! Doesn't this place ever quit?

Mr. T: *now sitting with Shrek and Beatdigga at the bar, drinking a milk* Nope... not one bit...

Dreadnot: *watches as the rift closes, and looks at the heap of bodies on the floor* Well... that's a new one on me...

overdrive535: *underneath John Bono, sobbing* I just don't understand what's going on in here anymore... I'm just so confused... Crying or Very sad

Saiyoukai1015: Join the club, bro...

Shrek: Ah, forget about that lot, boys, and come join us fer a pint!

Beatdigga: I'll drink to that... *takes another drink*

FinalDivineDragoon: *emerging from the floor* Ugh... what the hell happened in here?... and why was I hugging a garbage can?... and why does my head hurt so much, and my mouth taste like a dirty ashtray?...

Mr. T: You ask too many questions, foo! Here, drink your milk!

Agent 1: You know what? This place is really starting to scare me...

Agent 2: No kidding... what a bunch of weirdos...

dillpops: HEY!! You're the clones around here, so I wouldn't be the one talking about weirdos if I were you... um, which I guess I am, but I'm not really... um... Damn, now I'm getting confused!

dougisfunny: *whispering to the clone-droids* Um, don't you guys think you should call your boss about this one?

dillpops: AAAARRRGH!! I'm gonna kill JP!!

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 5: Uh... something tells me that this would probably be a bad time to do that...
_________________
"The principles you live by create the world you live in; if you change the principles you live by, you will change your world." -Blaine Lee

"I plan to live forever. So far so good." -Steven Wright

overdrive535 · **overdrive535**

from under the pile of bodies
Oh, I get it...
Rift in space time...and they fall on me...the preeminent expert on things like the fabric of space...space time...and easy cheese...

But I'm still stuck here...
And I gotta go...if ya' know what I mean...
Way too much pepsi
_________________
"If you've ever had your nipple bit off by a beaver, you might just be a redneck..."
Jeff Foxworthy

dougisfunny · **dougisfunny**

dougisfunny: you know its almost getting old preventing overdrive from pissing on everybody...

*casts float on the tangled mass*

dougisfunny: now go potty

overdrive:thanks! *runs hiding for bathroom holding bladder along the way*

dougisfunny: now if I really cared or felt threatened... I'd worry, but I like a little intrigue... carry on people.
_________________
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

With that, doug let the heap fall, John Bono this time on the bottom and Shiek standing smugly beside said pile.
"Well, it looks like I didn't get a beating this time," John relaxed his posture as he stood up. "Yatta yatta. Say, Zel-er, I mean Shiek, where the hell are we? And how did you get us here?"
"Well," said Shiek, "it all has a perfectly good explanation that ties in integrally to both-"
"Hey look, a DDR machine!" John Bono shouted, running off to the corner of the bar, only to stop at a change machine to get quarters.
Shiek sighed, and turned to survey the impact their arrival had had on the bar.
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FinalDivineDragoon · **FinalDivineDragoon**

*nails boards onto bathroom door, and puts a cement block inside the vents leading to the bathroom*

FDD: hehehe, that should keep him from ranting for a while....or at least prevent us from hearing said rant.

Doug: How we're you able to do all that with such a huge hangover?

FDD: Well through odd circumstances I have become immune to headaches.

Dread: So you could get drunk as hell, with no ill side affects?

FDD: Of course I would suffer all the other consequences of drinking....I just wouldn't get any headaches....

Dill: Will you guys stop diverting from the plot Evil or Very Mad

!!!

FDD: Sorry Dill....oh I think I saw JP over at the hotel we used to talk about a while back

Dill: Oh really?..... Twisted Evil

*runs off to hotel in a psychotic rage*
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There is limited intelligence in the galaxy, but the stupidity of the universe is infinite.

JohnnyPsycho · **JohnnyPsycho**

Agent 2 (Dillpop's double): *sitting at a table with the other agents and Dreadnot* ...So, this "JohnnyPsycho" fella, he's a constant source of trouble and plotlines in this bar, right?

Dreadnot: Right...

Agent 3 (Ludwika's double): And I also look like somebody else who comes in this bar all the time, someone named Ludwika, who's married to Mr. Psycho?

Dreadnot: Yep...

Agent 1 (DeeLite's double): ...And I apparently also have a double who sometimes comes in this bar? And she's engaged to that guy? *points to CounterParadox*

counterparadox: *oblivious to the conversation, eating an ice-cream sundae with chocolate smeared all over his face* Mmm... i love sprinkles...

Dreadnot: Yyyyyeah...

Agent 3: Then why do you let the guy back in here all the time?

Dreadnot: Well... it's complicated, but he and I have an agreement of sorts... He pays for most of his bar tab here by installing tech stuff in here, like the nanite repair system, plus those goons over there... *points to the clone-droids, who are busy drinking with Shrek and others*

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 3: *takes a swig of b33r* ...so then I says to him "Next time, take your fun to one of the fight threads," and I toss him full into a moving car... Hahahahahaaaa!

Shrek: That's a good one, laddy!

FinalDivineDragoon: A moving car, what a riot!... hee hee hee!

Green-Bird: *sitting next to Clone-Droid 3 with an unamused expression on his face* Yeah... hilarious... *takes another sip of drink*

Agent 1: ...And you guys are thinking that we're clones, like those guys over there? That's ridiculous! I think I'd know if I were a clone or not...

Dreadnot: Well... it's only a theory, plus we don't really know who you ladies are yet or what your story is, so...

Agent 2: *scoots closer to Dread* So, that "Dillpops" girl... are you two technically still together?

Dreadnot: *getting nervous* Uh, what do you mean?...

Agent 2: *scooting even closer* Well, she didn't seem to be very affectionate towards you.

Dreadnot: *gulp* Well, we have a very, uh, special understanding... we're not really "public displays of affection" types...

Agent 2: What a shame... *scooting mere inches from Dread* ...You know, with all this action in the bar, I'd have thought a busy guy like you probably gets a little lonely... You said you two aren't married, right?

Dreadnot: Well, no, that's not exactly... you see, we... uh, that is to say...

dillpops: *rushes into the bar* He wasn't at the hotel! Dang it, where the hell is he... *spots Dread at the table with Agent 2*

Dreadnot: *suddenly stands up* Uh, Dill!! Hi there! I was just, uh, what I mean to say is, these agents were asking questions, and I was just talking to them...

dillpops: *frowning* Mad

Dreadnot, can I have a word with you in your office?

Dreadnot: *sigh* Uh, right, in my office... excuse me, ladies... *walks to his office with Dill*

Agent 1: *whispering to Agent 2* Um, I don't mean to question your judgement, ma'am, but why were you hitting on the bar owner?

Agent 2: *smirking to herself* I was hoping to sweat some more information out of him, as well as keep him from asking too many questions about us... plus he was kinda cute.

Agent 3: *watching the drunken exploits of the clone-droids* What does my "double" see in a guy like that? I mean, I understand that they're just clones, but still, they gotta look like him, right?...

Agent 1: Hey, at least your "double's" fiance doesn't wolf-down ice-cream like a pig...

Agent 3: Yeah, but his clones definitely aren't any better in the table-manners department...

Shiek (Zelda): *walking up to the agents* Um, excuse me, but do you mind if I sit with you guys? I'm kinda new here, and, well, this crowd is a little rowdy for me...

Agent 2: Sure! We're new here too! Care for a drink? We're paying...
_________________
"The principles you live by create the world you live in; if you change the principles you live by, you will change your world." -Blaine Lee

"I plan to live forever. So far so good." -Steven Wright

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

"It's all so damn inconsistent," John Bono blurted out while switching from eighth note streams to gallups in Matsuri Japan, "first the Dill clone is the sexual behavior policewoman--now she's sexually teasing Dread."
"You're sweating like a maniac," Sheik replied, wide-eyed.
"And these clones--one minute they're in the action, the next, they're consuming alcohol heavily--I just don't know what to make it."
"Your shirt looks saturated."
"And poor Dill walks in on all this," he finishes the song with a 720 spin on the last step (which he always ends it with), "And no when knows whether JP is here or there," he selected the next song, cursing that the bar only has a 5th Mix machine.
"You've drinken most of a gallon since you got here, and sweated more out."
"And what the hell ever happened to Martin? That guy hasn't been around for like a year. You know, I really miss that guy, I specifically remember this one time where he gave me the most profound piece of advice..."
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JohnnyPsycho · **JohnnyPsycho**

Mr. T: *whispering to Clone-Droid 3* So what about these lady agents? Are we going to throw them out or what? One of them has been doing nothing but stare at all of you clone foo's all night.

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 3: *taking his fourth shot of whiskey* Nah, they're fine... *looks behind him and sees Agent 3 staring him down* Yeesh, on second thought, that one's starting to scare me...

Shrek: So, do you boys know fer certain if these lasses are clones like you?

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 5: *putting down his empty beer stein* Well, it's hard to say, but as far as we can tell they're flesh and blood, so they're not clone-droids like us, but...

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 4: ...but we won't know for sure until we do some genetic testing on them. And after our little "tussle", I doubt they want us coming up to them with needles. *picks up a bottle of Labatts*

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 6: *finishes his vodka-martini* Plus, even if they're clones, it'll take even more tests to figure out who made them.

Green-Bird: *suddenly interested in the conversation* So, uh... how can you tell who made them?

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 1: It's not too complicated, but it does require some work... *smashes a b33r can on his head and belches* ...but if we can test and sequence their genes, cellular tissue, and mitochondrial DNA, we can figure out how old they are and look for certain genetic "trademarks" that most cloning firms use...

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 3: *takes his fifth whiskey shot* ...then again, if we really wanted to simplify things, we can always just undress them and look for corporate tattoos... *laughs uproariously, getting all three agents' attentions*

Beatdigga: Sssshhhh! Quiet down, will you? Now, what's this about corporate tattoos?

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 4: Like these... *pulls up pant-leg, showing off Deep 13 logo* ...if they're Deep 13 clones, they'd be marked, unless they're like, illegal clones or something... *takes a swig of beer*

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 3: *still giggling at the thought of undressing the agents* tee hee hee... I'll take the one that looks like Ludwika, guys...

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 1: Shut up, Numba Three... the last thing we need is to get arrested for Sexual Harrassment... idiot...

Saiyoukai1015: *takes a second to count, then re-count the clones* Hey... wait, didn't there used to be six of you?

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 4: Yeah, well, Numba Two is hiding out in his Pok�-Ball... the pansy...

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 2: *voice coming from a Pok�-Ball sitting on the bar* I heard that, you bastard!

Saiyoukai1015: Pok�-Ball? Geez, isn't it kinda uncomfortable to be in those things? I mean, I don't know from personal experience or nuthin'...

JP-UB40 Clone-Droid 1: Nah, it's not as bad as you think... Wanna try mine out? It's got a TV... *points his Pok�-Ball at Saiyoukai*

Saiyoukai1015: NO!! I mean, not right now, thank you...

*Agents are watching all of this from across the room, observing carefully*
_________________
"The principles you live by create the world you live in; if you change the principles you live by, you will change your world." -Blaine Lee

"I plan to live forever. So far so good." -Steven Wright

Beatdiggga · **Beatdiggga**

So many clones, huh guys?

Agent 1- You can say that again.

Shrek- (Finishes off another brew) Hey, Sheik! I bet I can drink you under the table!

Shiek- You're on. Loser pays the tab.

Beat- I'll ref. (Takes another beer)
_________________
Sometimes I miss my sanity- Wedge Antilles

The_Dragon_Master · **The_Dragon_Master**

*is sitting at a booth in a bit of daze watching the events unfold, only half aware of the stuff going on*
_________________
"I hope you haven't become too attached to your head, because in about two seconds it will be festively decorating that back wall."


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